Full Moon Tarot Reading August 22, 2021

Hello and happy Full Moon in Aquarius, my friends! I’m back with another Full Moon journal page (at the end) and tarot reading! The energy we are dealing with is revealing and transformative, and as always with the full moon it asks us to look deep into our lives for what we are ready to release, so that we can grab hold of the things we really want.

After I had selected the cards, a phrase jumped into my mind. “It has never been about how other people treat you.” I ruminated on all the seemingly important memories of my unfortunate mistreatment at the hands of others as I chopped vegetables for my breakfast. The second half of that phrase interrupted my lamentations. “You need to see that you gave up on yourself.” In an instant, my perspective on that highlight reel changed. Instead of the victim of external forces, I suddenly saw myself as the messenger for those external forces, inflicting pain upon my inner world as punishment for the discomfort I felt about what was happening. Even though I was adamant that what “the other” was doing to me was bad or wrong, inside I was hurting as if they were right. And in that moment I began to understand what years of therapy could never teach me. The battles have always been won or lost on the INSIDE.

Obviously that is a huge revelation to have over breakfast, and it is not something that one just learns by reading no matter how much one agrees with the text. Wisdom is revealed to us when we are ready for it, so I would encourage you to receive whatever resonates right now and leave the rest. If you do feel called to investigate your inner world, do so not as a tyrant, but as a friend. Not an ice-cream-and-binge-watching kind of friend, but the kind of friend who sees when you are overwhelmed and suggests grounding exercises instead of numbing behaviors. Leaving a party instead of staying for another round. Going to bed instead of texting the ex. Getting up early for gym or yoga instead of staying up late swiping. Drinking water even when you’re not thirsty. Be that friend for yourself, and over time as you learn to see yourself through good times and bad, you will learn to show up for yourself no matter what anybody has to say about it.

Choosing to accept our limitations does not mean conceding to feelings of unworthiness. If we think our lack in a certain area disqualifies us for something we want, we can choose to be angry at ourselves for our lack (and often resentful of others for it), deceitful about our capabilities to try to get what we “deserve”, or we can be humble and express our wants, knowing the answer might be no, but it might shed some light on how we can work toward what we want. The energy of this cycle asks us to get a little more clear about what we want, so that we can be more discerning about where we put our efforts in the coming month. Work toward the results you want, not against the fears that limit you.

Check the archives for old entries below!

Check out the archives for more! 🙂

Journal Prompt – Trying New Things

Hello again, my friends! I’m scheduling a few more journal prompt posts for the next few months, so I hope you find them helpful! Today’s prompt is one I’ve used a lot lately, because I’ve been trying a lot of new things these days. Normally a self-professed “perfectionist”, I started to realize that naming a trait doesn’t make it healthy. So I decided to bring more conscious awareness to my most recent attempts by journaling about them.

Re-framing my thoughts helped me to think about my recent attempts as growth opportunities. I put together lots of notes about things I could do differently the next time to get a better result, and felt good about the things I recognized as essential preparation. This exercise has totally changed the way I approach the projects in my life!

Since I am now consciously aware of the lessons I am learning when things don’t go how I expected, I have far less anxiety about making mistakes. Not to mention, I am improving very quickly! Let me know in the comments if you used these prompts, and what you were able to learn for next time!

Check out the archives for more! 🙂

New Moon April 11, 2021

Hello again, and welcome to another opportunity to change everything! We aren’t talking about simply choosing better outcomes or bigger dreams, though… this New Moon in Aries is full of actionable ideas that require a great deal of inner strength and honesty to unlock. Ideally, the intentions we set during this cycle will align our energy with the best outcomes for us. The best way I know to do this is to deconstruct our past experiences and learn about ourselves from them. Let’s dive into the tarot reading for this New Moon, then talk a little about how to process these ideas! Remember to download the journal pages at the end so you can keep track of your progress!

Setting the tone for the reading, the Perspective (Hanged Man) and King of Cups cards both came out of the deck at the same time. We have been waiting for something, but are being asked to wait a little bit longer, in order to develop a better understanding of who we are and how we feel about a situation in our lives. The next two cards, The Universe (World) and the 10 of Wands, describe the heart of the issue and the forces that either help or hinder our progress. Our own personal development is the central focus of the reading, and the build-up of annoyances, grievances, traumas, or other complications is making it difficult to see how this can possibly get resolved. It’s all just too much to process at once, which is why we are being advised to stand back and allow the path to be cleared.

We’ll get to what it means for things to be cleared from our lives in a moment… the next two cards offer us some insight on why we might be feeling disconnected from our power, and what we can do about it. The Lovers card suggests that we are giving away to others the medicine we need for ourselves, and the 4 of Crystals (Pentacles) suggests that we reassess our successes and failures to look for patterns that we have been repeating in our lives. Maybe we tried to move on from an experience without healing the wounds we sustained from it? If this sounds vaguely applicable to your life, the universe may be reaching out to remind you to come back and finish what you started.

The Queen of Wands in its reversed position (Rx) offers another handy hint, in case nothing comes to mind. Think of the people who might judge you, either what you do or what you have accomplished. If we are afraid of being judged because we are doing something that we are uncomfortable with, especially if we are making excuses for it, this is a good indication that we need to change. If we are living inauthentically because we can only define success based on what other people think of us, we are asked to consider what we might do if we realized that they just don’t. The Justice card suggests that we may have the opportunity to face the results of our choices in the near future, and once again it is suggested that we allow the dust to settle a little bit before making any of our own judgments about what is left.

“Come with grace, and let go with grace.”

April 2021 New Moon Reading

Starseed (The Fool) Rx and the Page of Swords remind us that it’s okay to start from scratch, especially if this time, we keep hold of the pen. Our fears (The Moon) threaten to hold us back, but if we can understand them enough to move past them, there will be plenty of opportunities for us to choose a new adventure… as long as we are ready to make the leap. The final card, 9 of Cups Rx, suggests that we may need some practice seeing the blessings in our losses. Depending on our perspective, empty spaces can seem scary, exciting, peaceful, or even inspiring. Maybe all of those at the same time. Our stories depend on the ability to see many possibilities for ourselves, and also… we have to keep holding the pen.

So… back to that scary thought… does this mean that we are going to have to give up or lose out on some of the things we have going on in our lives today? I’ll say this is a definite, “maybe”. You are ultimately the one who decides the direction you will go, but I can give you an idea of what has helped me understand the impact of my busyness. (If you like this exercise, I published a journal prompt called “Time or Purpose” that you might also find helpful!)

1.) Use a blank page in your journal to write down all of the active projects and commitments in your life right now.

2.) Once that list is finished, make another column for the projects and commitments you want to start within the next few years.

3.) Now revisit the first list and think about the time you have spent on each line item… then rank it with an arrow. An up arrow means you want to spend more time on it, a down arrow means you want to spend less, and a side-to-side arrow means you are spending the right amount of time on it. If you want to get really fancy, grab a couple of colored markers and highlight line items that you enjoy a lot, and items that you really dislike.

4.) Once you’ve finished analyzing the first list, start to think about how you’re going to fit all the things from your second list into your life… is anything going to drop off? Will it have to? Are there any skills or experience you need to gain before you can accomplish something on the second list, and have you planned for those things?

5.) Create a summary of the changes you know you will have to make, and a list of the changes you want to make. Gift yourself at least 30 minutes every week, preferably at the same time each week, to plan your changes, figure out what works, and revisit these lists as they evolve!

That’s it for this week, my friends! I hope you enjoyed the tarot reading and the bonus exercise… it has definitely been a game-changer for me! As always, here is the free journal page for this New Moon, and you can check out any of the ones you might have missed below!

New Moon March 13, 2021

Happy New Moon, friends! Today we have a fresh opportunity to set intentions for our lives, and this one in particular implores us to understand how our emotions can guide us to – and from – situations that serve our highest selves. Read on for more my interpretation of the tarot reading I did for today, and as always, there is a free journal page download at the end!

The significator card that starts off today’s reading is the Knight of Cups in its reversed position. As a court card, this could represent a person in your life (or an aspect of self), and the meaning of this card hints at emotions gone awry, or impulsivity that has landed you in a place you don’t really want to be. Further, there is a hint that you (okay we, let’s be real…) might see this as having happened through no fault of your own. This, my friends, is a very personal deception, and one that does NOT help us move forward. There is one more court card in this reading, in the position describing the recent past, so there is an indication that whatever energy we are blaming for our lack of progress may be soon behind us. But as with all important lessons, what we haven’t learned yet will come back around to give us another chance to learn it… and if you’ve been through one of these cycles, you know this isn’t always a fun experience.

The Major Arcana cards involved in this reading, and the order they appear, gives us an idea of how this cycle plays out for us. First is Starseed (The Fool in traditional decks), the card that represents the beginning stages of a journey where we are pure potential. Above that and just a few cards later we have The Moon, representing our inner world of emotions, in a position that indicates these things will be brought to the surface to be resolved. The very next card is The Sun in its reversed position, which represents our self in a bind… we struggle to see the path ahead of us because we have lost the connection to our inner guidance system. The storm clouds from within have momentarily blocked out the sun, metaphorically speaking. Immediately after that card we get The High Priestess representing ourselves and our power. When we have cleared out the storm clouds and can finally see that inner wisdom, our intuition is once again able to guide us. The numbers of these cards (0, 18, 19, 2) indicate a path of ascension and then a bit of a fall… which might scare some of you…. but The High Priestess indicates that when the dust has settled, we might not be at the same level we were before. Instead, we will be better aligned on our soul’s path this time around, with a greater sense of purpose and deeper connections to the world around us (Ace of Cups).

There is an indication that the energy is changing for us (5 of Swords reversed), but that our fears could prevent us from choosing the most authentic path to move forward (2 of Wands). This reading really stresses that it is time to break down the ego barriers that prevent us from seeing our truest potential (7 of Crystals) and put aside whatever distractions we have tossed out in front of us that don’t actually serve our highest good. On a personal note, the 9 of Cups reversed in the “Beneath” position is a wake up call of epic proportions… it is calling me out, and perhaps some of you as well. The 9 of Cups usually represents a high state of abundance, especially pertaining to love and family… in its reversed position, it asks us to really look at what emotional voids exist beneath the surface, and what we have been trying to fill them with.

On another note, the Page of Wands asks us to look for inspiration in the people around us… look for others who have put aside the opinions of the world, and set out to do something incredible with their lives. Surely we look up to plenty of people who were called failures until they succeeded. Success does not come from the world shouting it at you. Success is found in the hearts and minds of those people who consider themselves lucky to have known you. It radiates out from the blissful smiles of friends and family spending warm spring days together, and bundled in blankets around campfires together. Success can only be measured by contentedness, which is why all of the things we have accomplished seem so empty without someone to share them with.

So during this new moon, my friends, you are being asked to recalibrate your trajectory. You have the capacity for so much love. Don’t tiptoe around it any longer. Get a running start and cannonball into your future, with full confidence that you will be successful because the ones you care about are also running into that great unknown, ready to jump in with you.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope some of this reading resonates for you! If you follow along in your own journal, feel free to print out the page provided below and keep track of your goals and intentions. If you are on Clubhouse, please join me (@dottiepilates) tomorrow (March 14) for a short chat about this reading and the new moon ritual I’m doing today!

Journal Prompt – Lacking Time… or Purpose?

Today’s post is about time and how we spend it. There is a download for the journal pages at the end, and feel free to use this prompt however it helps you the most!

Am I really lacking time, or is it purpose?

I used to be busy all the time. Busy, but not necessarily productive. Internally, my busy-ness justified all sorts of complaining, procrastination, negative self-talk, always being late, canceling plans at the last minute, ignoring injuries, avoiding responsibilities at home, and more. If I was getting work emails on the weekend, I would complain about it. If I wasn’t getting work emails on the weekend, I would worry about why that was. When I didn’t have something to worry about, I felt lost and empty. Anxiety would rush into the empty spaces, and it felt like I was suffocating. Cluttering my mind with tasks allowed me to avoid thinking about it for a while, so that’s what I did.

Eventually I had to face reality. For all that busy-ness, I wasn’t very productive. Sure, I got a lot of stuff done… but I was awake for 20 hours every day compared to most people’s 16-18. The ratio wasn’t very good. Plus, I was never satisfied with my efforts and always felt like I didn’t have enough time to do a good job. If I had plans in the afternoon, for example, I would struggle to focus my efforts on my other tasks in the morning and afternoon, frequently resulting in me accomplishing little throughout the day and then leaving late for my planned activities, or missing them entirely. I tried to compensate by not making any plans during the week, but that just made me boring and almost resentful of anyone who expressed an interest in spending time together. Didn’t they know how BUSY I was???

My busy-ness seemed like a noble excuse until I realized that other people talked about their busy-ness in order to make plans, not to skip them or excuse a failure. For all the activity going on in my life, I wasn’t achieving the things I really wanted, and I finally got called out for it. (Be thankful for the friends who are kind enough to risk your anger in order to tell you the things you need to hear.) After taking a step back to process what was said, I decided to process a few instances of my excuse-making in my journal.

I wrote about what happened, how I felt, what I wanted to happen… the first few times it was pretty clinical sounding. But as I asked the questions, the answers started to pop up… briefly at first, then louder and more sustained. Patterns started to emerge, and one that I came to understand was that I had been using creative energy to distract myself from fear. The source of the fear is pretty deeply rooted in my psyche, so what is important for you to know is that the events that triggered it were nowhere near the scale of importance my subconscious was assigning to it. Acting within that fear state, nothing I accomplished could possibly resolve the initial fear, so I would press on, accumulating more and more distractions, but never alleviating the core anxiety that kept my foot on the gas pedal.

Once I had figured this out, I was better able to recognize the signs that I was approaching that fear state, and course-correct. And since I recognized that much of my busy-ness was serving a purpose of keeping me safe from an unknown enemy, I had a very important tool that I could use to redirect my energy toward my goals! And it all started by asking myself the question… is this really about time? What is all of this activity for, anyway?

If any of this sounds familiar to you or piques your interest, give the journal prompt a try! And consider downloading the journal pages below… they’re free! 🙂 Thanks for reading!

Full Moon Ritual February 27, 2021

Happy Full Moon, friends! The moon cycles offer a great cadence to check our progress and realign our intentions to our goals. In my personal practice, I focus on creating alignment between my goals and intentions during the new moon. During the full moon, I work on releasing and letting go. I do a tarot reading for each cycle, and I ask for the guidance I need in order to move forward. My interpretation of each of the cards in the reading is below, and there are some suggested intentions, crystals, and messages on the journal pages to help you work with the energy of this cycle. Read on for this month’s insights and as always, the free journal page download will be at the end of this post. Enjoy!

This month’s full moon is in Virgo, and this reading focuses on the energy of progress (Major Arcana card #7, The Chariot). Next stop… success! Well, maybe not quite, but this reading was all about finding our flow and how we can work through the stumbling blocks we encounter. There were indications of new beginnings to look forward to, perhaps in relationships or projects related to our goals (Ace of Cups), and the potential for collaboration with others (3 of Crystals), which can be exciting! If collaborations sometimes leave you feeling as though your efforts are not noticed or rewarded, this is an excellent time to do some shadow work to get to the bottom of that insecurity.

“We don’t all value the same things, but that doesn’t mean you are not valuable…”

February 2021 Full Moon Reading

Let’s talk about understanding our value when working with others, and learning to separate our intrinsic value from the value of our input as seen by specific people or projects. It can be difficult to navigate boundaries when we are excited and in the flow of our creativity. We can be vibing together one minute, and leaving each other on “Read” the next… what the heck?! One possibility is that the scope of the collaboration expanded past someone’s comfort level, and they suddenly realized they don’t have the bandwidth to follow through. Another possibility is that after giving it some thought, someone realized they have other projects that require their time at this moment, so the contextual value of the idea changed for them. This isn’t by any means an exhaustive list, but the point is that our expectations can hurt if we let them get out of alignment with our ability to honor them. If we feel like we are always getting in over our heads and over-committing, the lesson is to assess the value of our time before committing it, and to own our words and actions. If we feel like we are always left hanging, the lesson is similar… all time is valuable, and each of us has different priorities. What someone chooses to spend their time on reflects what is important to them. It is not a reflection of us, so let’s give them the benefit of the doubt about their motives, but consider restructuring our priorities similarly.

The Chariot is a card of action and movement, and we are cautioned that without work, it can be a very bumpy ride. We are asked to take an honest assessment of what obstacles stand in our way, and challenged to work through them in order to reach our highest potential. This brought up fears of criticism (Queen of Wands Rx), of not living up to expectations (#20, Awakening), of past mistakes (6 of Swords Rx), of past hurts (8 of Cups Rx), and of feeling pain (3 of Swords Rx). This is a tall order, for sure, but all these things were brought up before us so that we can look at it all at once. These fears cause us hesitation, or hold us back entirely, from achieving our goals. The only way to get past them is to go through them, so… what fears are holding you back?

“Don’t sacrifice your happiness out of fear of feeling pain. Feel it, and let yourself be stronger for it.”

February 2021 Full Moon Reading

Take a moment to write about how you felt the last time you stepped away from a goal due to fear. Don’t judge yourself for it (Temperance Rx), but try to understand if the outcome you had hoped to avoid was really a valid concern in the present. Look within for other fears that are keeping you from taking that next step along your path, and look at how they might be keeping you safe, and how they might be keeping you stuck. The full moon is a time for releasing, and ask yourself if there is anything you would be willing to let go of, in order to achieve your highest potential?

There you have it… the Full Moon reading for February 2021! I hope you enjoyed the reading and that you got a little insight from it. Thanks for reading, and if you want, download the journal pages below! See you next time!

New Moon February 11, 2021

This Aquarian New Moon energy is intense, and today’s reading pulled no punches. You can read it for yourself, and I’ll highlight some of the points in the post below. As always, you will find the free download of this month’s new moon journal pages at the end of this post. I really hope you’re enjoying them, and I hope this reading inspires you to break free of stagnation and align your mindset even more with your highest self!

We are being asked to look at the results of our prior actions and intentions, and reassess what we need to do to move forward. This reading specifically called out our inauthentic behavior… giving or receiving mixed signals, or acting out of fear or anticipation of another person’s feelings or reactions. Whether or not our reasons for behaving this way are justified, this is manipulative behavior intended to get a desired reaction instead of having an authentic interaction. During this check-in we are asked to look critically at how this misalignment with who we really are and what we really want is impacting our current experience.

“You can’t be so disappointed by not having the things you never worked for. If you want it, commit, and face the world owning all of it. Your faults, your failures, and your triumph.”

New Moon Tarot Reading, February 11, 2021

This reading had a very important message regarding our personal power and our personal relationships, represented by two Kings in their reversed positions, and 2 Queens in their upright positions. The first King (Swords) was the significator card describing the reading as a whole. This card can signal deceit or manipulation of a situation, but the empowering way to read it is that we need to be honest with ourselves about the ways we have not been so honest in the past. The second King (Wands) represented the heart of the matter, and as the suit that represents our dreams and ambitions, it can describe a situation where we are overly critical of ourselves. High expectations can be appropriate in some situations, but the implication here is that the gap between our expectations and our reality is stalling our progress and causing us pain.

As Sword also represent logic and our business-mindsets, this can be applied to the internal structures of logic and the way we set and work toward our goals. Let’s draw our attention to internalized beliefs about the world, and the stories we tell ourselves about our failures and successes. Are we really being prevented from succeeding because of external circumstances, or is that a convenient cover story to mask our internalized belief that success is just not possible for “someone like me”? Have you ever given up in the eleventh hour, or even the second or third hour, because of that voice inside telling you, “This will never work…”? Your mind is the ultimate gatekeeper, and if you haven’t mastered your thoughts, you aren’t likely to get around them. The way out of this, is through it.

Do you see what I mean by intense? We are being called to stand up and look at the world eye-to-eye, and the only way we will have the strength to do that is if we face the internal struggles that we have been avoiding. The other side of this court card equation, and the way “through it”, is the energy of the two Queens… we must nurture what we want to grow. When we use our natural authority within the realm of our natural power, our efforts will not be hindered needlessly. The two Queens in the spread represent our abundance (Crystals) and logic (Swords), indicating once again that shifting from our current belief system into one that allows for our success can create space for the abundance we want to find us.

“Those who expect perfection from themselves will punish others for not meeting their expectations. Neither will meet those expectations, but the perfectionist is the one creating the suffering for all. Tend to your karma.”

New Moon Tarot Reading, February 11, 2021

In all honesty, this reading kind of stung. Especially the quote above. While those words spoke directly to me, I have a feeling that some of you will feel them too. We live in a world full of expectation, but nowhere is that more apparent than within my mind. I used to think it was a “good” thing to be harder on myself than anyone else could be. I thought I kept it to myself… but as it turned out, I just hadn’t realized the ways in which I was projecting that internal frustration into the world. I would become so frustrated that even small inconveniences would turn into 20 minute blood pressure sprints, even days later. Justifying my frustration, I told myself that I would never “accept” mistakes like that from myself… but last I checked, I am still human. We are ALL human, and we ALL make mistakes! How we handle them says a lot about how we handle ourselves, and I think many of us could stand to be a little kinder.

“Take responsibility, not blame, and learn to carve out a new path.”

New Moon Tarot Reading, February 11, 2021

Admittedly, when it came to setting goals I used to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater quite frequently. The truth is that I wasn’t “accepting” mistakes from myself because I believed nobody else would, either. I thought the world operated by the same standards at play in my mind… turns out, THAT was the mistake! I didn’t feel worthy of grace, so I didn’t expect it from others. Upon hitting a bump in the road, I would try to outwardly project grace… but inside I felt like the car skidding into the ditch, AND the bump. Ouch! It’s easy to give up when you don’t feel worthy of the goal in the first place, and it’s hard to see perfectionism as a problem when you think it is what is required of you. I’ve worked really hard to get to a place that I can see, admit, and now find humor in the ways I have deceived myself, and I’m feeling a lot less like an out-of-control jalopy these days. Messages like these tell me that there is still work to be done, and as an imperfect human, I can accept that with grace.

“Ultimately you are the one who denies yourself peace.”

New Moon Tarot Reading, February 11, 2021

Back to the reading… we are being advised that our desires will not materialize before our eyes without a sacrifice on our part. Not of the biblical, burnt offering type, but a sacrifice of time, energy, sweat… we’re being asked to commit to ourselves and our higher purpose. Find gratitude in the journey thus far, and trust that NOT getting everything we want in this moment will be a good thing. If we are patient, we will see everything unfold in a way that supports our authentic desires and the highest good of all involved. Put another way, some of what we think we want is coming from a place of lack, and will not satisfy us once we get it.

There was a lot of powerful stuff in here, and this week I plan to publish a few separate journal prompts so that we can process our thoughts a little deeper. I hope you enjoyed this reading and the journal pages, and if you happen to be reading this on the day of the new moon, consider joining me today on Clubhouse (@dottiepilates) at 6pm EST to chat about it! I’d love to answer any questions you might have, or just chat about tarot, journaling, goal setting, or just life in general! Either way, I hope you have a fantastic new moon, and thanks for reading!


Full Moon January 28, 2021

We’ve made it to the end of January, and this full moon in Leo packs quite a punch! Leo is a fire sign and is represented by the suit of Wands, which also represents our ambitions, confidence, and impulses in life. Wands showed up quite a bit in today’s reading, along with the presence of quite a few court cards, which I interpreted as asking us to look for the ways we are allowing the opinions of others to erode our confidence and hold us back from putting ourselves out there. Read on for my interpretation of the Celtic Cross spread I pulled, and download the free journal pages at the end!

The significator card is 7 of Cups in its reversed position, which flavors the reading by asking us to get real with ourselves. If you’ve been holding onto unrealistic goals without a tangible plan to make things happen, or fooling yourself about the role you have played in your own troubles, today’s reading might sting a little.

You are not who anyone thinks you are, unless maybe you’re trying to control what they think of you…

January 2021 Full Moon Tarot Reading

Most of us don’t even struggle to see the ways we try to manipulate others… we are truly blind to it. That internal blindness makes us extra-sensitive, and sometimes we project our inner turmoil onto the world around us in a misguided (but earnest) attempt to resolve the inner unrest. We strike out against the ghosts that we conjured into the world, often severing relationships in the process, all the while telling ourselves that our anger was necessary and our foul behavior justified because of “outside forces”. In today’s reading, the 8 of Crystals (Pentacles in other decks) represents those “outside forces”… and as it turns out, this card represents spiritual growth and reaping the rewards we have earned from the time we have invested. It seems kind of counter-intuitive, but since everything is happening FOR you, not TO you, let’s try to practice alchemy!

You got what you wanted… so what did you make of it?

January 2021 Full Moon Tarot Reading

This full moon is dredging up something – whether that is people, situations, or feelings – from our pasts that we might have hoped never to think of again. (King of Wands Rx) It’s doing this not to knock us down, but to allow us to stand in grace. In the past, we stood on top of a suitcase full of excuses for our choices and behavior… we highlighted how wrong the situation was and how innocent we were. That suitcase never latched properly, and we’ve lived in fear of that latch coming undone and exposing the content of that suitcase ever since. This fear made it difficult for us to stretch ourselves sometimes, and some of us (myself included) started to believe that the fear was coming from outside of the suitcase, and not the suitcase itself.

You are not who anyone else thinks you are, so control your behavior and not others’ perception of your behavior.

January 2021 Full Moon Tarot Reading

The 3 of Wands reversed as the heart of the matter is crossed by the Page of Cups reversed, describing a situation where we struggle to separate our need for acceptance with our actual needs… and we need to learn to see the ways we have failed ourselves instead of the ways others have failed us. Ouch. At the root of this is the major arcana card Strength reversed, indicating that we need to face our sacred fears and trust that we are strong enough to survive, even when the ego is screaming that it can’t bear to look at the truth. The truth is, my friends, that the world has failed us 100 times… but we have failed ourselves 100 times 100 times. Why do we insist on holding anyone accountable when failure is not a crime? I’ll say that louder for the people in the back…

Why do we insist on holding anyone accountable when failure is not a crime?

January 2021 Full Moon Tarot Reading

The other ugly truth is that we’re not really trying to hold people accountable for their actions… we are trying to blame them for our uncomfortable feelings. THAT is where things tend to go sideways. THAT is the deception that fools nobody but ourselves. We have projected the wounds of the past into our present-day scenarios, escalating simple situations into all-out brawls, demanding “respect” and an audience with the manager when an exhausted barista scrawls our name illegibly on the $6 oat milk iced coffee beverage we ordered… “I said NO ice!!!”… just trying to get a healing for our emotions. It was never about the latte, or the penmanship, or the way someone looked at us… it was about what our early emotional imprinting told us those things MEANT about us. That we weren’t good enough, or pretty enough, smart enough, too picky… whatever it was, it wasn’t about the latte. It started with us… we made a choice to believe what it meant… and we can choose to see things differently.

The 3 of Cups in the recent past position asks us to think about the relationships and opportunities that we asked for and that we received… and what we did with those opportunities. King of Wands reversed in the “highest good” position describes not only that our past choices never really go away, but also that we don’t need to define ourselves by our mistakes and the we are being asked to allow the experience to change us. To ripen us and make us sweet though, not to rot us from the insides. Transformation reversed in the near future position (Death in some other decks) is telling us that THIS obsession with the past is what is preventing us from moving forward, and that is nobody’s fault but our own.

Time spent cannot be reclaimed, but investments pay dividends. Invest your time, don’t spend it.

January 2021 Full Moon Tarot Reading

The Queen of Wands is one of my favorite cards, as she represents personal power and optimism with a shot of wild, independent fierceness that I adore. She is fiery AND kind. She embraces the whole spectrum, and in this reading she shows up in the position that describes the subject of the reading… you and I. The message I got from her today was that our power comes not from denying our weaknesses, but from embracing all aspects of ourselves as exactly what we need to experience right now. Embrace what needs healing as much as what we have mastery of. Embrace it, but don’t put it on a pedestal… we are not here to be anti, we are here to be real. We must accept all aspects of ourselves, but part of the deal is that we strive toward being better every day.

The 8 of Crystals gives us a peek at the energy surrounding our situation, and as we mentioned before seems a little contrary at first blush. The culmination of our efforts exposing all of the wasted energy, inner wounds that we projected outward, damaged relationships, and emotional immaturity does NOT seem like a good thing. It feels heavy, but anything tied down will feel heavier than it is. We need to sever the ties in order to let it go and leave it in the past as a lesson. That is our only choice for alchemy, my friends, and one that is not particularly easy or simple. Interestingly enough, the phrasing that came across with this message is more commonly used to talk about money than time. We are being asked to see the value in the mistakes we have made and not to write it all off as a loss.

Can we really live with the compromise of something that feeds only our bodies, but not our souls?

January 2021 Full Moon Tarot Reading

The Emperor describes our hopes and fears, asking us to stop worrying our lives away. He advises us to learn how to take initiative, the right ways this time, and to plan ahead so we can be ready to ask questions should something come up. The King of Crystals reversed in the outcome position asks us to look carefully at our energetic balance for signs of self-indulgence and to be brutally honest with ourselves. Where we find inauthenticity or partial success, we are asked to investigate. Can we really live with the compromise of something that feeds only our bodies, but not our souls? We don’t need to spend more, talk more, or acquire more… we need to invest more. Time and energy invested in ourselves will pay back dividends, even if at first blush it seems rather harsh.

Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you found something in here that resonated with you! As promised, feel free to download the free journal pages below! The download is an 8″ x 10″ (standard office paper size) .pdf that has room to punch holes for a binder or notebook. I hope you are able to take a moment during this cycle for meditation and letting go. Namaste, friends!

New Moon January 13, 2021

Happy New Year, friends! Whether you are a “Resolutionary” or not, the new moon in Capricorn is pushing us to really think about what we want to do with our lives, and encouraging us to fearlessly embrace who we are becoming. In order to do that, we need to let go of who we thought we were, though… and that isn’t always the easiest thing. Keep reading for my January New Moon tarot message, and download the journal page at the end if you want to keep track of the messages and your personal commitment!

“Find your highest purpose, and there you will meet your highest self.”

New Moon Reading, January 2021

The message from the new moon tarot spread was profound for me personally. I felt some resistance to the reading early on, and then a phrase jumped out at me… “You cannot keep bending down to the forces that attack; believe in your ability to overcome.” This specifically relates to the emergence of the sacred self, and my (our) higher purpose in this life. The major arcana cards in the reading spelled out a karmic cycle playing out, and cautioned that in order to make progress toward my goals, I would have to face my shadows. Again?! Again. I have put a lot of work into understanding myself and my limiting beliefs, but even with all of that progress, I have felt uneasy and somewhat fearful lately.

“You need to acknowledge in order to let go.”

New Moon Reading, January 2021

If you have become frustrated by your lack of progress toward big goals (Chariot Rx), the energy of this new moon is for you… it’s asking you to expand your horizons and think bigger. But this might not be your parents’ bigger, or your spouse’s bigger… it’s YOUR version of greatness that you are meant to seek out. Live for your dreams, don’t sleep for them. For some of us, the past will become our teachers (Heirophant Rx)… for others, that energy might show up as a Taurus person or event, so look in your astrology chart or your circle of friends/comrades for inspiration. For some of us, we have held on too tight to what was or what should have been, and this new moon is asking us to let those ghosts go.

“Something old must end for something new to take its place. Give up your old life. Give life to new things.”

New Moon Reading, January 2021

A powerful trio of cards (Strength, Queen of Cups and Ace of Cups Rx) asks us to examine our relationships with ourselves and others. Does it scare you to be fully seen? Do you think it’s not safe to be who you are? When one of us rejects a part of ourselves, or masquerades as something else, we all suffer for it. Both harmony and discord exist for our growth. Seeing one another at our full greatness is only possible if we each show up in our strength. The universe asks, what can we learn from the ways we choose to treat ourselves? What can we learn from the ways we view others, especially in relation to ourselves?

“Learn to see how you can stand with others, instead of cowering behind them.”

New Moon Reading, January 2021

Remember the golden rule… as above, so below. The disharmony you see in the world, exists within you first. So you must go within to fix it. You are worthy, but you must believe in it before anyone else can see it in you. I hope you find time this new moon cycle to meditate on how you can align with the greatness within you, so that you can bless those around you with all that you have been uniquely called to become.

Thanks so much for reading; I hope this helps you! If you are so inclined, please download a copy of this month’s New Moon journal pages. I use them to keep track of my own growth, and it helps me look back and see how far I’ve come!

Journal Prompt – Do You Like Yourself?

If you don’t really like yourself, everyone else will seem better by comparison…

I’m sure you have heard the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy”, but have you ever thought about what the concept means to you personally? Does all comparison bring us pain, or is there a healthy way to compare ourselves to others? I believe that recognizing what comparison means to us on a personal level is the key to satisfaction… and that it also unlocks the door to better understanding and self-improvement.

This will be a long read, but there is a free journal page to download at the end!

For a long time, I thought I was hiding my personal dissatisfaction from others at least as well as I hid it from myself. I got so good at lying to myself, in fact, that despite others actually vocalizing how awful my self-talk was, I remained convinced that I was a kind person who just exaggerated things to “take the edge off”. While I was for the most part kind to other people, I had forgotten the golden rule… as above, so below.

As above, so below.

Hermes Trismegistus, Hermetic Corpus

A bitter heart doesn’t exactly bear sweet fruit… unless you use a whole lot of artificial sweetener. Or in my case, make up a bunch of reasons why other people are better than me, why they deserve different things in their lives, etc. What this looked like in practice was me extending an almost extreme form of kindness to others, and verbally explaining or justifying why they were deserving of it. But since I wasn’t holding space for them to be different than my explanation, I was putting a lot of pressure on people to “BE” a certain way in order to justify how I treated them. And the other side of that coin was the people who had wronged me…

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

William Congreve, The Mourning Bride

Those whose names were written on my naughty list were subject to a similar treatment as my own tortured soul. With my kindness toward other people as a justification that I really was a nice person, I would go off on verbal rampages against those whose actions had harmed or offended me. Citing the work of legitimate stand-up comedians, I would justify insults and exaggerations… you know, to make it funny. And sometimes it WAS funny… but much of the time, it was just overcompensating for the real feelings and fears that I couldn’t bring myself to face. The truth was that I hated myself, and on a very deep subconscious level I believed that I was fundamentally awful and undeserving of happiness.

Before you start feeling sorry for me, let me cite Newton’s Third Law: “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” Put another way, when you feel inferior to some people, it means you also feel superior to others. Those times when I finally recognized how my own behavior had changed from kindness to cruelty, I cited the behavior of others as the “reason” I had to respond in kind. I took my own intentions into account when judging myself, but never stopped to wonder if maybe the other person believed they had a good reason for whatever they did?

When you feel inferior to some people, it means you also feel superior to others.

This, my friends, is called “projection”. I wasn’t responding neutrally to what was happening in the moment. I was subconsciously projecting an unresolved internal conflict onto the situation and blending the two together to draw conclusions about WHY it was happening. I was using my subconsciously-biased experience of the situation as evidence to support the belief that I was inferior to others. And because that felt bad, I was blaming the entities in the current situation for making me feel bad. But they weren’t making me feel bad… I was making me feel bad.

Pity party for one? No, thank you… I’ve already done that.

The way we treat ourselves generally mirrors the way we were treated by our caretakers when we were young. I won’t get into specifics about this today, but after years of rumination and blaming others for making me feel “not good enough”, I finally learned the secret to peace within… anything you believe, you bought into. You didn’t learn everything you know by reading a book, or sitting in on a class. At some point you had to commit to learning it. Most of us either bought into the belief that people behave the way they do because of who we are fundamentally, or because of who they are fundamentally.

If you often blame yourself for how other people treat you… this pep talk is for you. Despite all the stuff that happened that wasn’t your fault, at some point you betrayed you. You lost faith in yourself and believed the things said to you out of frustration or exhaustion or whatever. That doesn’t make you a bad person, but it does make you responsible for your own bad feelings. And since you’re responsible, you have the power to change. Especially when things are out of your control, the power to decide your own feelings is greater than the combined power of useless anger, poisonous resentment, and bitterly holding onto what “never should have happened”.

I’m not saying it’s easy to change, but I’m saying that it’s possible. I did it, and it brought me a level of peace and clarity that I had never experienced before. It wasn’t quick and it wasn’t easy, but it was totally worth it.

If you recognize even a little bit of yourself in my words, consider downloading the free journaling pages below. (You can also use your own journal, or loose leaf paper.) Find a quiet space, light a candle or oil warmer if it helps you relax, and allow yourself to write out your thoughts about the journal prompt. Don’t worry too much about staying focused; when your mind wanders, try to just acknowledge the thoughts or feelings that popped up, and keep pivoting back to the task at hand.

Thanks for reading, and please leave a comment below if you found this helpful!