This Aquarian New Moon energy is intense, and today’s reading pulled no punches. You can read it for yourself, and I’ll highlight some of the points in the post below. As always, you will find the free download of this month’s new moon journal pages at the end of this post. I really hope you’re enjoying them, and I hope this reading inspires you to break free of stagnation and align your mindset even more with your highest self!
We are being asked to look at the results of our prior actions and intentions, and reassess what we need to do to move forward. This reading specifically called out our inauthentic behavior… giving or receiving mixed signals, or acting out of fear or anticipation of another person’s feelings or reactions. Whether or not our reasons for behaving this way are justified, this is manipulative behavior intended to get a desired reaction instead of having an authentic interaction. During this check-in we are asked to look critically at how this misalignment with who we really are and what we really want is impacting our current experience.
This reading had a very important message regarding our personal power and our personal relationships, represented by two Kings in their reversed positions, and 2 Queens in their upright positions. The first King (Swords) was the significator card describing the reading as a whole. This card can signal deceit or manipulation of a situation, but the empowering way to read it is that we need to be honest with ourselves about the ways we have not been so honest in the past. The second King (Wands) represented the heart of the matter, and as the suit that represents our dreams and ambitions, it can describe a situation where we are overly critical of ourselves. High expectations can be appropriate in some situations, but the implication here is that the gap between our expectations and our reality is stalling our progress and causing us pain.
As Sword also represent logic and our business-mindsets, this can be applied to the internal structures of logic and the way we set and work toward our goals. Let’s draw our attention to internalized beliefs about the world, and the stories we tell ourselves about our failures and successes. Are we really being prevented from succeeding because of external circumstances, or is that a convenient cover story to mask our internalized belief that success is just not possible for “someone like me”? Have you ever given up in the eleventh hour, or even the second or third hour, because of that voice inside telling you, “This will never work…”? Your mind is the ultimate gatekeeper, and if you haven’t mastered your thoughts, you aren’t likely to get around them. The way out of this, is through it.
Do you see what I mean by intense? We are being called to stand up and look at the world eye-to-eye, and the only way we will have the strength to do that is if we face the internal struggles that we have been avoiding. The other side of this court card equation, and the way “through it”, is the energy of the two Queens… we must nurture what we want to grow. When we use our natural authority within the realm of our natural power, our efforts will not be hindered needlessly. The two Queens in the spread represent our abundance (Crystals) and logic (Swords), indicating once again that shifting from our current belief system into one that allows for our success can create space for the abundance we want to find us.
In all honesty, this reading kind of stung. Especially the quote above. While those words spoke directly to me, I have a feeling that some of you will feel them too. We live in a world full of expectation, but nowhere is that more apparent than within my mind. I used to think it was a “good” thing to be harder on myself than anyone else could be. I thought I kept it to myself… but as it turned out, I just hadn’t realized the ways in which I was projecting that internal frustration into the world. I would become so frustrated that even small inconveniences would turn into 20 minute blood pressure sprints, even days later. Justifying my frustration, I told myself that I would never “accept” mistakes like that from myself… but last I checked, I am still human. We are ALL human, and we ALL make mistakes! How we handle them says a lot about how we handle ourselves, and I think many of us could stand to be a little kinder.
Admittedly, when it came to setting goals I used to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater quite frequently. The truth is that I wasn’t “accepting” mistakes from myself because I believed nobody else would, either. I thought the world operated by the same standards at play in my mind… turns out, THAT was the mistake! I didn’t feel worthy of grace, so I didn’t expect it from others. Upon hitting a bump in the road, I would try to outwardly project grace… but inside I felt like the car skidding into the ditch, AND the bump. Ouch! It’s easy to give up when you don’t feel worthy of the goal in the first place, and it’s hard to see perfectionism as a problem when you think it is what is required of you. I’ve worked really hard to get to a place that I can see, admit, and now find humor in the ways I have deceived myself, and I’m feeling a lot less like an out-of-control jalopy these days. Messages like these tell me that there is still work to be done, and as an imperfect human, I can accept that with grace.
Back to the reading… we are being advised that our desires will not materialize before our eyes without a sacrifice on our part. Not of the biblical, burnt offering type, but a sacrifice of time, energy, sweat… we’re being asked to commit to ourselves and our higher purpose. Find gratitude in the journey thus far, and trust that NOT getting everything we want in this moment will be a good thing. If we are patient, we will see everything unfold in a way that supports our authentic desires and the highest good of all involved. Put another way, some of what we think we want is coming from a place of lack, and will not satisfy us once we get it.
There was a lot of powerful stuff in here, and this week I plan to publish a few separate journal prompts so that we can process our thoughts a little deeper. I hope you enjoyed this reading and the journal pages, and if you happen to be reading this on the day of the new moon, consider joining me today on Clubhouse (@dottiepilates) at 6pm EST to chat about it! I’d love to answer any questions you might have, or just chat about tarot, journaling, goal setting, or just life in general! Either way, I hope you have a fantastic new moon, and thanks for reading!